did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
