It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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