I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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