youre lurking in front of me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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