I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
