Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
