DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
