That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's great music for shaving your balls
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
