Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
