i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
