Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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