Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize