none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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