his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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