All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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