i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
