dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
