We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
