i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
