I looked at my own cervix.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So squirting runs in the family.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
