He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
