Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
did i just pee glitter
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