i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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