I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
