oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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