everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
where does the pee come out of this thing
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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