It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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