She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
