I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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