Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
