I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize