Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
