please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
