please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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