does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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