i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
