im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
