May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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