We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
