Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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