i jhust puked up my retainher.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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