I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
