How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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