I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
