Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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