You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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