Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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