So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
