she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
