do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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