How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
