I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
