You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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