Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Enjoy the penises
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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