what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hippo gnu deer
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
