she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
40s are totally the cure
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
