I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
