someone owes me an orgasm
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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