I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Terrible idea I love it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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