well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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