dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
