I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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