Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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