I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
