i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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