I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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