Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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