Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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