saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
