I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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