WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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