I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
