She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
