My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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