dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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