NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
