A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
