Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
