The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
