When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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